It’s just annoying. Oh well. Ew, a nail? That’s fuckin’ disgusting.
Annoying, ye’, but s’not like we can do anything about it. Shit is disgusting. I hope I don’t change your view on the place, even though I probably should. It’s pretty hazardous to your health.
Can I just state how much I utterly despise hipsters? I’m sick of turning any corner in L.A. and coming face-to-face with heart-eye sunglasses and a fucking flower crown. They’re like damn cockroaches, harvesting everywhere in this whole city. It’s come to the point where I honestly dread walking into a coffeehouse.
So how about y’just go through a drive-thru? Save yourself the trouble of encountering a hipster and still enjoy your coffee. There. Problem solved.
You seem to know a lot about the media. You’re not undercover paparazzi, are you Oli? Okay, I’ll take your advice, then. Yeah, I’ve been doin’ that, actually. I’ve had way to many chicken nuggets. I swear, I’m gonna gain like fifty pounds after this.
If I was, do y’really think I’d tell ya? Nah, I’m joking, s’just common sense. Anyways, that’s all anyone cares about. Stupid, I know, but the world is built like that. All anyone cares about who is gonna get with who. There wouldn’t be tabloids or shows like TMZ if they didn’t. ‘n that’s good! I used to eat McDonald’s almost every day ‘nd then I found a nail in one of my fries and I refuse to go back there.
I have no idea why people have to get into other people’s business. Like, why? How would that benefit you? TMZ can suck my ass, to be honest. I’m fuckin’ tired of all these rumors goin’ around. Anyways, I’m hungover as fuck— I definitely drank way too much last night, but oh well, it was fun.
'cos that's all they fuckin' care about; who you've fucked, who you're thinkin' of fuckin', and who you're gonna fuck. 'nd the public 'nd the fans eat it all up. I choose not to care, half of the bullshit they post isn't even true so why bother gettin' all hyped up about it? Y'know the truth, not them. That's my advice: don't care. As for the hangover, I suggest loads 'n loads of greasy food. McDonald's, to be specific. Nothin' cures a hangover better than some salty fries and pig slime.
Never will you be when you have me around. I would prefer that but I am actually not allowed to smoke. I would get kicked off the team. I also feel like I would be around when that actually does happen to you, my luck. The only reason I like going to Panda Express is for those fortune cookies. I have an irrational infatuation for them. Good idea. I’m good with beer, your choice of brand, though. I’d rather not lose my chance at eating some soup tonight.
Well you’ve gone and warmed my heart. Ah, I see, that’s shit. If I had to quit smoking, I’d be gutted. Sucks. Maybe when it’s over then, the season or whatever. What’re you sayin’? What’s wrong with me pourin’ my heart and soul out to ya? Fuckin’ rude ass. Panda Express, nah. You’ve been goin’ to shit places. That’s not real chinese food. You’ve got to go to an authentic place to get real food and a real fortune. Scary how accurate they are sometimes—when they’re real of course. I mean anything is fine, just none of that pussy shit wine cooler Mike’s Hard. If you’re gonna drink, then drink hard or don’t drink at all. What’s the point of drinkin’ if not to get obliterated?
That doesn’t make me innocent. At least I know the names of two sex positions. A girl can be on top of another girl? You need, like, a sex toy for that to work, right? I hope it lights up or something, otherwise that name is extremely misleading. You technically are my sex-ed teacher. I dunno who else is gonna answer my questions, aside from my mom and I’m not about to ask her to tell me about sex positions. I’m getting you hot and bothered? Seriously? Guess you can’t marry my mom then, ‘cause I’d be calling you daddy all the time.
Mm, yeah, whatever you say. You know the name of two positions, two of the most basic may I add, when there are hundreds. Ever read a Kama Sutra book? Go pick one up at Barnes ‘n Noble, educate yourself. ‘nd no, you don’t need a sex toy for girl on girl— you need to get laid. I can offer my services, but if not, then find someone of your own accord to fuck your brains out. I guarantee you’ll know everything you wanna know after. ‘nd no, it doesn’t light up. ‘nd please, spare me and google whatever else y’wanna know. Some things are too hard for me to explain right now and I mean that literally.
snapchat » open to all
sammie: NASH! OH MY GOD NASH IM UR BIGGEST FAN
sammie: I LOVE UR EYES
oliver: wow thats so sweet ur so thotful
oliver: i hate u